Harry Potter and A Very Potter Musical
by tumblrqueen
Summary: Everyone's favorite Harry Potter characters all come together to watch a muggle film called A Very Potter musical. Takes place during the summer before their 6th year. suck at summaries please read and review Rated T cause of language and content in the play
1. Prologue

**I know that it's short, but it's just the intro, I'm going to update a lot :)**

Harry was surprised to see Hedwig arriving with an owl so late at night. He sat up and took the letter off Hedwig's leg. Inside was a letter and a galleon. The letter said

dear Mr. Potter,

Hello, you don't know me, but I know you. I know this will sound crazy, but I'm from a different universe. In this universe, your life is a book series. Many, many, many people love this book series and have made many fanpages, fanfictions, and parodies. One of these parodies is called A Very Potter Musical. The galleon in the envelope is a portkey which will transport you to a place where you and your friends, professors, and maybe enemies will be waiting for you so you can watch A Very Potter Musical. Please use the galleon now, everyone's waiting for you.

from, that crazy fangirl

Harry was really confused. He decided to use the portkey, but not before grabbing his invisibility cloak just in case. The portkey transported him to an apartment where he saw Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Snape, Draco, and Ginny.

"Harry you're here!" Hermione said as she ran to give Harry a hug.

"Hey mate," Ron said as he and Harry bro hugged.

"Hello Harry," Dumbledore said.

"Hello sir," Harry said. Snape and Draco didn't say anything and Ginny awkwardly waved.

"Now that you're here," Hermione said. "We can start," Everyone took a seat. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny sat on the couch, Snape sat in a chair, Dumbledore sat in the recliner, and Draco sat on the floor. Hermione pressed play and another message came on.

Hello! While you're here, time will stay still and after you finish the musical, there are two other sequels. Please help yourself to the snacks in the cabinets and refrigerator.

"Sequels? They made bloody sequels?!" Ron asked. He was quite uncomfortable with the fact that people made a play about him and his friends, as did everyone else.

"Before we even talk about sequels," Hermione said. "Let's watch the original," and with a click of the remote, the AVPM logo came on.

**Tada! hope u liked it please review :)**


	2. act 1 part 1

**A man appeared on the stage, sitting on a trunk. He was dressed as a Gryffindor and was wearing a pair of round glasses.**

"Wow Harry, you're character looks so dramatic," Ron said.

**Harry (singing): Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt. Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want.**

"What do you mean underneath these stairs?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know I guess they just needed something to rhyme," Harry lied. They could tell he was lying.

"This conversation is not over," Hermione said back.

**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these Muggles but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive…**

"That's a positive way to think of things," Dumbledore said.

**I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey, it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now…I gotta get back to Hogwarts!**

Everyone started hysterically laughing.

**I gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool.**

"You are not cool Potter," Draco said.

"I'm way cooler than you," Harry said back.

"Well I'm handsomer," the blonde said.

"_Sure you are," _Harry said sarcastically.

**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think I'm going back.** **I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry; take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die and it's gonna be totally** awesome!

"You've just jinxed us," Ron said.

**I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah, bring it on!**

**And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome…**

**Ron: Yeah and it's gonna be totally awesome!**

Everyone laughed at the tall, tan, guy that had a blue headband in his hair and was supposed to be Ron.

**Ron (spoken): Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Woo! What's up buddy?**

**Harry: Hey! (hugs)**

**Ron: Hey, sorry it took me so long to get here I had…to go get…some…Floo Powder but, uh, we gotta get going c'mon, get your trunk, let's go.**

**Harry: Where are we going?**

**Ron: To Diagon Alley, of course!**

**Harry: Cool!**

**Ron: Come on!**

**Ron and Harry (running around, flapping their arms): Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power!**

Everyone hysterically laughed, and Snape chuckled.

"You look like idiots!" Ginny said.

"Oh god that's so funny!" Hermione said. Harry and Ron looked embarrassed.

**Ron (singing): It's been so long…**

**Both: …but we're going back!**

**Ron: Don't go for work, don't go there for class!**

**Harry: As long as we're together…**

**Ron: …gonna kick some ass…**

"Language Ronald!" Hermione yelled.

**Both: …and it's going to be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!**

"That better not be true," Snape said as he glared at Harry and Ron.

**Hermione: But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs!**

"Oh my gosh! They characterized Hermione perfectly!" Ron said as he and everyone else laughed. Hermione threw a pillow at him.

**Ron (spoken): God Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzz kill?**

"I'm not a buzzkill!" Hermione said.

**Hermione: Because guys, school's not all about having fun. We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards. (singing) I may by frumpy but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, there A's for a start.**

"You only have Acceptables?" Draco asked.

"In the muggle world,A's are the highest you can get," Hermione said. "And I'm not frumpy!"

**What I lack in looks, well, I make up in heart and well guys, yeah that's totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.**

**Ron: That would be cool if you were actually hot.**

Ginny hit Ron across the head and Hermione looked hurt.

**Harry: Hey Ron, c'mon, we're the only friends that she's got…**

"Hermione you know that's not true," harry said. Hermione nodded but still looked sad.

**Ron: …****and that's cool…**

**Hermione: …and that's totally awesome!**

**All Three: Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how…We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school. Gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magi-cool.**

"Magi-cool?" Ron asked. Everyone shrugged.

**Whole Cast: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's that all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think we're going back.**

"That's the end of part 1," Harry said.

"Let's watch the next one," Ginny said.

"But I want food," Ron said as he walked over to the cabinet and took out a box of oreos.

"Alright act 1 part 2,"


	3. act 1 part 2

**Please review :) **

Act 1 Scene 2

**Ginny: Ron!**

Ginny looked mortified by the way her character looked.

"Merlin's beard I look awful!" She exclaimed.

**You were supposed to take me to Madam Malkin's and use those sickles Mom gave you for my robe fittings!**

"I sound like a girly girl that just sucked the helium from 10 balloons!" Ginny yelled. Ron couldn't stop laughing.

**Harry: Uh, who's this?**

**Ron: Uh, this is stupid, little, dumb sister Ginny.**

Ginny attacked Ron.

"AH!" Ron yelled.

**She's a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry.**

**Harry: Hey.**

**Ron: Harry Potter. This is Harry Potter.**

**Ginny: You're Harry Potter. You're the Boy-Who-Lived.**

"Was I really that bad?" Ginny asked.

"Well worse actually, at least this Ginny could talk to Harry," Ron said as he was once again attacked by Ginny.

**Harry: Yeah, you're Ginny.**

**Ginny: Oh, it's Ginevra.**

**Harry: Cool, Ginny's fine.**

**Ron: Stupid sister, -claps-**

**Ginny: Aah!**

"What's with the clapping thing?" Hermione asked. Ron and Ginny shrugged.

**Ron: Don't crowd the famous friend. -laughs-**

**Hermione: Do you guys here music or something?**

**Harry: Music? What are you talking about?**

**Ron: Yeah, someone's coming.**

**Harry: Someone's coming.**

"It sounds like Chinese music," Ron said.

**Cho, Pansy, Lavender (singing): Cho Chang! Domo arigato, Cho Chang! Gung hay fat, Choy Chang! Happy, Happy New Year, Cho Chang!**

"Can we replay that dance?" Ron asked. Hermione whacked him across the head.

"Ron!" she screamed.

**Ginny: Oh, who's that?**

**Harry: That's Cho Chang.**

"That actress kinda looks like her," Harry said.

**Ron: That's the girl that Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year.**

"You had a crush on that stupid ravenclaw halfblood?" Draco asked.

"Oh shut up Draco," Hermione said. "It doesn't matter what your blood status is," Hermione looked very made. _Wow, she's kinda pretty when she's mad._ Draco thought. Then he realized what he said hit his arm.

**Hermione: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.**

**Ron: Well, yeah, you never tell a girl that you like her; it makes you look like an idiot.**

Harry, Ron, and Draco nodded.

**Ginny: Konichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley.**

**Lavender: Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!**

**Ron: That's Lavander Brown! –claps- racist sister!**

**Cho: Hey, it's all right! I'm Cho Chang y'all.**

"WHAT?!" everyone screamed.

"That's so racist!" Hermione yelled.

**Harry: She is totally perfect.**

**Ron: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?**

Harry tensed at the mention of Cedric.

**Harry: What?** **Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that, who is that guy?**

**Cedric (singing): Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang!**

**Harry: I hate that guy. I hate him.**

Harry seemed really mad. He found the way the muggles were characterizing Cedric was disrespectful.

**Ron: So, are we gonna go get those robes or not?**

**Ginny: Okay, alright, I'm going!**

**Ron: God sister! (The four exit; Neville enters and bumps into Crabbe and Goyle)**

**Neville: -gasps-**

**Goyle: Present your arm, nerd! Indian Burn Hex!**

"That noise is so loud and creepy!" Hermione said.

**Neville: Aah!**

**Ron: Ah Crab and Goyle**

**Ginny: Are you okay?**

Ginny nodded in improvement that her character was seeing if Neville was okay.

**Harry: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?**

**Goyle: Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter?** **You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!**

"I don't think that," Harry said.

**Harry: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville. Come on…**

**Goyle: Oh, well you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! -breaks Harry's glasses- We hate nerds…**

**Crabbe: And girls!**

"Isn't he played by a girl?" Ron asked.

"It's irony Weasley," Snape said.

**Ron: Well, you asked for it. You don't mess with Harry Potter; he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby.**

**Hermione: Alright, everyone just calm down. **_**Occulus Reparo!**_

**Harry: Whoa, cool!**

**Hermione: Okay, now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone.**

**Draco: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?**

Everyone couldn't stop laughing.

"YOU"RE A GIRL!" Ron and Harry yelled in between laughs.

"My father will hear about this!" Draco yelled.

**Harry: What do you want Draco?**

**Draco: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of purple doves and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber wizard.**

"If your talking about yourself then I'm happy hanging out with my friends now," Harry said to Draco.

**Harry: Hey, listen Malfoy; Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything.**

"Aw thanks Harry," Hermione said as she gave Harry a hug. Ron looked a little jealous.

**Draco: Have it your way. Wait! Don't tell me: red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley.**

**Ron: Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass.**

**Draco: Well isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family.** **Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts.**

"Headmaster, how do they know about Pigfarts?" Snape whispered to Dumbledore.

"I don't know Severus, I don't know," Dumbledore replied.

**(singing) This year you'll bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, it's gonna be totally awesome! Look out world for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say! And Potter won't be in my way and then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"Draco you will never be totally awesome, if anything you'll be totally awful," Ginny said.

"Nice one Gin," Harry said as he gave Ginny a high five. _  
_

Harry thoughts:

_Man Ginny is awesome and Pretty. Wait, did I just call Ron's sister pretty? Well her hair is nice... and so are her eyes and her smile and how funny she is... wait what am I saying?! She's Ron's sister!_

**Goyle: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"That voice is going to be heard in my nightmares,"

**CHOO CHOO**

**Hermione: Guys, c'mon, we're gonna miss the train!**

**Whole Cast (singing): Who knows how fast this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow…**

**Harry (spoken): Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!**

Ginny's thoughts:

_Why does he like Cho so much? Does he still have feelings for her? Why can't he like me? Wait Ginny, what are you saying?! You're over him, you've been over him for a long time! Am I..._

**Ron: Oh no, that'd be way too awesome!**

**Whole Cast (singing): We're back to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began and here we are and ALAKAZAM!**

"That's not even a real spell!" Hermione said.

**Here we go, this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer's over and we're itchin' to go.**

**Neville: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore!**

**Cast: Aaah, aaah!**

**Dumbledore: Welcome!**

"OH MY GOSH!" all the teenagers yelled. Dumbledore chuckled at his appearance and Snape looked unamused.

"You look so...so... I can't even explain it!" Harry said.

"Oh those muggles can be so humerous," Dumbledore said.

"How long is your character going to hold out that note?" Ginny asked.

**All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool?**

"Do we?" Ron asked.

"Well I suppose the room of requirement could become one," the headmaster answered.

**Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts! Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools! Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, (spoken) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore…suppose you could also call me Albus if you want a detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus.**

"Would you do that?" Harry asked.

"No, I would lock you and your family in the dungeon." Dumbledore said. Everyone looked shocked. "I'm kidding," he said.

**Whole ****Cast (singing): Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to…**

**Gryffindors: Gryffindor!**

"Yea!" the gryffindors yelled.

**Hufflepuffs: Hufflepuff!**

**Ravenclaws: Ravenclaw!**

**Slytherins: Slytherin!**

"the best house!" Draco said. Everyone nodded no.

**Whole Cast: Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Dumbledore: I'm sorry, what ch'you say?**

**Whole Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Dumbledore: I didn't hear you kids!**

**Whole Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**Harry: Man, I'm glad I'm back!**

"Well even though the way the make us look is awful, that song is really catchy," Ginny said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Alright, Act 1 part 3,"

**Hope you liked it, I'll post the next chapter when I get 5 reviews (I already have 2 so I need 3) please review :) :) :) **


	4. part 1 act 3

"There's another letter!" Hermione said. The group listened to Hermione read it.

_Dear people I kidnapped,_

_This person's character will be seen soon so I want to bring him to our party. He is powerless at the moment and can't do anything to harm you. So without further ado, please welcome Tom Riddle!_

Everyone gasped as Voldemort appeared in front of them.

"I will kill you Harry Potter! AVADA KADAVRA!"Voldemort yelled as he waved his wand but nothing happened.

"Ha! You're powerless!" Harry said.

"Come on, let's start the next part," Hermione said.

**Dumbledore: Yes, Yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts and a very special welcome to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter."**

"Of course Potter is your favorite student," Draco mumbled.

**Ron: Woo! Woo!**

**Dumbledore: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby; he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it.**

Harry rubbed his forehead.

**Dumbledore: And another very special welcome to our newest edition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny-excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley.**

**Ron: Boo, boo.**

**Ginny: Yeah, I'm a girl and, um, also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?**

"Yea where's the sorting hat?" Ginny asked.

**Dumbledore: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year**

All the teenagers started laughing uncontrollably. Harry and Ron looked at Dumbledore with pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry but we can't get one," Dumbledore said. "The parents would complain,"

**Basically, I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care.**

Everyone laughed.

**Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.**

**Dumbledore: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?**

"A Hufflepuff is_"

"Hermione it's a rhetorical question!" Ron yelled.

**Anyway, it is time for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions Professor, Mr. Severus Snape.**

**Ron: Ah man, not Snape, I hoped they fired that guy.**

**Ginny: Why, what's wrong with Professor Snape?**

**Ron: Ah nothing, he's just, uh, evil.**

Everyone but Snape started laughing

"They got you perfectly!" Harry said.

**Harry: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad.**

**Snape: Harry Potter, detention.**

**Harry: What?**

**Snape: For talking out of turn.**

"I can actually picture Snape doing that," Harry said.

**Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop-quiz. Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Ah yes, Miss Granger…**

**Hermione: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.**

**Snape: Oh very good…now can anyone tell what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?**

**Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.**

**Snape: Perfect!**

"Their Hermione is so accurate it' scary," Ron said.

**Ron: What's a Portkey again? I missed that one.**

**Hermione: Oh, a Portkey is something that-**

**Ron: Not you, oh my god.**

**Hermione: -when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere.**

**Snape: And remember a Portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object like a football or a dolphin.**

"A football or dolphin?" Everyone asked.

**Lavender: Professor, can like a person be a Portkey?**

**Snape: No, that's absurd. If that person were to ever touch themselves -looks at Ron-**

"that's disgusting! Ron you're so gross!" Her minor and Ginny yelled.

**They would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux.**

**Harry: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?**

"Yea what's a horcrux?" Everyone asked. Dumbledore looked worried.

"I guess we'll find out later," Dumbledore answered.

**Snape: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough.**

**Hermione: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?**

**Snape: Oh no, no, no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know; especially you. Now, moving right along there are four houses in all: Gryffindor,**

**Gryffindors: Woo!**

**Snape: Ravenclaw,**

**Ravenclaws: Ow!**

**Snape: Hufflepuff,**

**Cedric: Find!**

**Snape: What? And Slytherin.**

**Slytherins: Yessssssss!**

**Snape: Now, traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor!**

The Gryffindors looked at Snape angrily.

**Gryffindors: What? Why?**

**Snape: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat.**

**Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione.**

**Snape: Traditionally, the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Darks Arts, Professor Quirrel.**

"Oh my gosh!" Harry said as he and Ron and Hermione burst into laughter.

**Harry: Ow! Ah, ow!**

**Quirrell: The House Cup, a time honored tradition. For centuries-**

**Draco: Go home terrorist!**

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Ginny started laughing.

"That's so mean but so funny!" Ginny between laughs.

**Quirrell: For centuries, the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from and what are the roots of the tradition?**

**Hermione: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts' students.**

"It was a rhetorical question you stupid mudblood," Voldemort snapped. Hermione didn't say anything.

"Say that one more time Tom," Harry threatened.

**Quirrell: That was a rhetorical question.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor.**

**Ron: Thanks Hermione.**

**Quirrell: As I was saying, when the tournament first originated, it was of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup, but would also win eternal glory.**

**Hermione: Kind of like a House Cup or…no…like a Triwizard Tournament.**

"There's four houses though," Ron said. Hermione was shocked that Ron had something intelligent.

**Quirrell: Yes, sort of like the Triwizard Tournament except no, not like that at all. There are four houses, how could it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?**

**Hermione: Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.**

"I think they're foreshadowing Cedric's death," Harry said.

**Quirrell: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.**

"That's so messed up!" Hermione said.

**Hermione: No, I don't think you heard me,****I just said somebody died!**

**Dumbledore: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points.**

"I would never say that," Dumbledore said to make Hermione, who was looking very hurt, feel better.

**Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione!**

**Dumbledore: God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes. Ten points to Dumbledore.**

"Can you give yourself points?" the students asked.

"I could but I wouldn't want to take away victory from the other houses every year," Dumbledore said jokingly.

**Quirrell: Yes, yes well, it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-**

**Voldemort: Achoo!**

"Did Tom just sneeze?" Harry said,

"Potter! Stop calling me Tom or else_"

"Or else what?" Harry asked. "You can't do anything to harm us," Harry stuck his tongue out at him.

"Harry! You can't stick your tongue out at you-know-who!" Hermione whisper yelled to Harry. Harry just smirked.

**Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?**

**Quirrell: Wh-what? No.**

**Dumbledore: I could have just sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving.**

**Quirrell: No, that-that was simply a fart, excuse me.**

All the students laughed at the excuse for the sneeze.

**Voldemort: Achoo!**

**Harry: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh, Holy Jesus, oh my God…ow.**

"Wow Potter I didn't know you were such a drama queen," Draco said.

"Well when you know what it's like to feel like your head is going to rip in half, is when you can call me over dramatic," Harry shot back.

**Voldemort: Achoo!**

**Quirrell: I simply farted once more.**

**Dumbledore: In accordance to the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from every house will be selected to compete! So, Snape, will you do the honors for me?**

**Snape: Yes Headmaster. First, from the Ravenclaw House, Miss Cho Chang.**

**Cho: Oh my god I won, I can't believe it y'all!**

**Snape: Next from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory.**

**Cedric: Well, I don't **_**find**_** this surprising at all.**

**Cho: I find it perfect, now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.**

**Cedric: I'm glad as well, my darling. –kisses her head-**

**Snape: Next, from the Slytherins, Draco Malfoy.**

**Draco: Ha, ho! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that, huh? I'm the champion this time!**

"Ha you're so desperate for attention!" Ron said.

**Dumbledore: Draco, would you sit down you little shit, champion's just a title.**

The Gryffindors highfived Dumbledore.

**Snape: And finally, from the Gryffindor House, oh my. Well, isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life…**

**Neville: If-if it's me, I'll just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now, for losing-**

"Well he should have been more clearer, Snape hates everyone in gryffindor," Hermione said.

_I never hated Lily. _Snape thought.

**Snape: Sit down you inarticulate bumble, it's Harry Potter.**

**Ron: Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!**

"Where was this support during the triwizard tournament?" Harry asked Ron.

**Dumbledore: Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts' champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything. So let's get to it!**

**Students: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!**

**Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy! Mal- hey…**

****"Well let's watch the next part!" Ginny said.


	5. act 1 part 4

Act 1 Scene 4

**Ron: Harry, you've got this tournament in the bag.**

**Harry: I don't know man, Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome…NOT! He sucks! I'm totally going win this! It's in the bag.**

"This play is completely disrespectful to Cedric!" Harry yelled.

**Ron: Yeah!**

**Hermione: I don't know, Harry-**

**Ron: Oh my god, Hermione shut up. Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?**

Ron prepared for the impact of the book Hermione threw at him.

**Hermione: Because, Ron, this is dangerous!**

**Harry: Dangerous, oh come on, Hermione, how dangerous could this be especially for me?**

**Hermione: Well, you're not invincible Harry.**

Harry nodded in agreement

**Somebody died in this tournament.**

**Harry: Uh, I'm the Boy-That-**_**Lived**_** not **_**died**_**. God. What's the worst that can happen?**

"Okay I have to admit "I'm the boy that lived not died" is pretty funny," Ron said.

**Hermione: And I don't about that Quirrell character. You know first we resurrects some horrible ancient tournament and then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt and you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head.**

"_oh no I'm sure there's nothing suspicious about the back of his head," _Harry said sarcastically_  
_

**Harry: Come on, think about it, Professor Quirrell is a professor and who hires the professors?**

**Ron and Harry: Dumbledore.**

**Harry: Who's the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard-**

**Ron: Beautiful.**

**Harry: -beautiful wizard in the whole world.**

All the kids laughed.

**Why, why would he possibly hire somebody who's trying to hurt me?**

**Hermione: Look, I mean, what about Snape?**

**Harry: Yeah, what about him?**

**Hermione: He's hated you for years! And he's hated our parents too,**

"I never hated your mother," Snape said.

**Harry, everybody knows that, and he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds if not five possible Gryffindors?**

**Harry: Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!**

**Hermione: No, Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot of enemies.**

**Harry: Okay.**

**Hermione: Ones you might not even know about.**

"and I've met some of them already," Harry said remembering the deatheaters he encountered during his years at Hogwarts.

**Harry: Alright, let me get this straight: so you think this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me?**

**Hermione: I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it.**

**Harry: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out.**

**Hermione: Oh thank you Harry!**

**Ron: Wait, wait, WHAT? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you'd win? Come on!**

**Harry: Hey, eternal glory, already got that. Besides, Neville will be a great champion.**

**Ron: No, no, no. I do NOT want Shlongbottom to be my champion.**

"Why do we keep calling Neville Shlongbottom?" Harry asked.

"Because that loser deserves a name like that," Draco said. Hermione whacked him over the head with a pillow.

**Hermione: Look all you have to do-look! There's Dumbledore, why don't you just talk him now and tell him that you're dropping out?**

**Harry: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really, really cool, we're super tight,**

"We are?" Harry asked.

**I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy or being disrespectful or anything so can you just-why don't you tell him? Just tell him I wanna work on school or something. Alright? Hey, you've got this one. -taps her nose- You're the best.**

**Hermione: Alright.**

**Harry: You got it. Don't worry about it.**

**Hermione: Dumbledore?**

**Dumbledore: Yes Granger?**

**Hermione: Um, I need to talk to you for a moment. It's about the, uh, House Cup Tournament. Um, well, first of all I think it's an awful idea but, um, second of all I don't think that Harry Potter should compete.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, why do you always have to be such a big stick in the mud, huh? Pray tell, me why Harry Potter should not compete?**

**Hermione: Well, uh, because he wants to study.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you.**

"It's funny cause it's true," Ron said,

**Hermione: Uh, okay, well, he wants to focus on the OWLs.**

**Dumbledore: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight!**

All the kids laughed.

**Hermione: Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I-I think it's a ruse, a set-up and I even think that Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.**

**Dumbledore: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met.**

All the kids faked barfed.

"I didn't think it was physically possible for Snape's name and the word sexy can be in the same sentence," Harry said.

"Unless the words is not are in between," Ron said.

"20 points from Gryffindor," Snape said. Another note appeared.

_You cannot take away house points or give detentions during while you're here. _ Snape muttered some not nice words under his breath.

**Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?**

**Snape: Oh why Professor Dumbledore, I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich. [it's a bomb sandwich]**

"Ha!" everyone laughed.

**Dumbledore: Why thank you Severus! You see Granger, how thoughtful?**

**Snape: Here you are Professor, bomb appeti- I mean, bon appetite. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. –sandwich starts ticking-**

"Dumbledore's character isn't very smart," Hermione said.

"Yes indeed Ms. Granger," Dumbledore agreed.

**Hermione: Um, is that sandwich ticking?**

**Dumbledore: It looked like it's licking, finger-licking good.**

**Hermione: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich.**

**Dumbledore: Why, Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you might even get a sandwich out of it. I don't know. Granger, what the hell-GRANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?**

**BOOM!**

**You dog gone exploded my sandwich!**

**Hermione: I'm sorry sir!**

**Dumbledore: Hey, even if I did believe Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete. You see that Cup?**

**Hermione: Yes!**

**Dumbledore: It's enchanted. Whosever name comes out of the Cup has to compete or the results would be bad.**

**Hermione: What do you mean bad?**

**Dumbledore: Well…try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.**

**Hermione: A total platonic reversal!**

**Dumbledore: Yeah, so you see, he has to compete and Hermione, if it makes you feel any better the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff**

**so, um, I'll keep my eyes open and nothing's gonna get past old Dumbledore.**

"More foreshadowing," Harry sighed.

**Hermione: Alright.**

**Dumbledore: I gotta go make myself another sandwich, though I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!**

**Hermione: Because it was a bomb… Harry, I'm so sorry but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup Tournament but don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what the first task is.**

**Ron: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.**

"Seriously where was this support during the triwizard tournament?" Harry asked Ron. Ron looked embarrassed.

**Harry: Alright, you guys are awesome.**

**Draco: Well, isn't this touching?**

"Draco ruins everything," Hermione asked. _Because I don't you to be alone with Weasley_ Draco thought, _ What am I saying? You don't like Granger! There's now way I can be falling for that mudblood!_

**Ron: Oh my god, just butt out Malfoy!**

**Draco: Goyle and I have a bet you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I say you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts.**

**Harry: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?**

**Draco: Oh, never heard of it? Huh, figures, famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts**

"What the hell is Pigfarts?" Harry asked. Everyone shrugged and Snape and Dumbledore looked worried.

**Harry: Malfoy, don't act like you don't wanna talk about it. That's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts. What's Pigfarts?**

**Draco: Pigfarts is only the greatest Wizarding School in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year.**

**Hermione: Malfoy, I've never heard of that.**

**Draco: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars.**

"What the hell!" Ron yelled.

**Harry: You know Malfoy, we're trying to have a conversation here so can you just leave us alone?**

**Draco: No, no, I'm not even here.**

**Harry: Anyway, I think I know how we can find out what the first task is from Dumbledore-**

**Draco: Dumbledore! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar.**

**Goyle: Rumbleroar!**

"I get it, it's a parody of Hogwarts," Hermione said.

**Harry: Anways, as I was saying, we-**

**Draco: Rumbleroar's the Headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion. Who can talk.**

**Harry: Malfoy,** **if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here. What, you're not even eating, get out of here.**

**Draco: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say; we're the only ones in here.**

**Harry: Just, c'mon Malfoy, just get out of here please?**

**Draco: Where are supposed to go?**

**Harry: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts?**

**Draco: Ha ha ha, ha ha, now you're just being cute.** **I can't go to Pigfarts, it's on Mars. You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do.**

**You know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died.**

If looks could kill Harry would have murdered Draco with a hammer.

**Look at this!** **Look at this. Look at it, Rocketship Potter! Oh, oh, Starkid Potter! Moonshoes Potter, traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts.**

**Harry: Alright, that's it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me, but if you bring my parents into this it's a whole other story.**

**Draco: Whoa, not's so fast Potter! Crabbe! Goyle!**

"Typical Malfoy, having other people fight his own battles," Harry said.

**Harry: Oh, sure just-**

**Goyle: Back off nerd!**

**Harry: Whoa, whoa, scary, scary!**.

"**Draco: Not's so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend.**

**Hermione: Oh, that is it Malfoy! Jelly-Legs Jinx!**

**Draco: Oh come on!**

**Goyle: Hey, no fair, our legs are jelly!**

**Hermione: Take it back Malfoy.**

**Draco: Take what back?**

**Hermione: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!**

**Ron: Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true. ** _I wish it was _Hermione and Ron thought.

**Hermione: And say you're sorry for calling me a You-Know-What.**

**Draco: I'm sorry!**

**Hermione: And you promise you'll never do it again?**

**Draco: I promise!**

**Hermione: Alright. Now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here. Bedsides, you already ate all my lunch.**

**Harry: Wow, thanks Hermione.**

**Hermione: Yeah. Unjellify!**

**Ron: Wow, that was, like, the most badass thing I've ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it, though. It was like an outburst of pent-up aggression like RAWR, Hermione…**

"That's just like when she punched Malfoy in the face," Ron said.

**Goyle: Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff.**

**We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd.**

**Draco: I didn't mean what I said you know. Pigfarts is real. Am I, am I bleeding? Goyle.**

**Goyle: -sniff- No.**

All the Gryffindors laughed.

**Draco: I thought maybe, maybe it was a little bit… Wow. I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud-whatever.**

"All mudbloods deserve to be put in their place," Voldemort said. "You shouldn't let that stupid, ugly, mudblood do that to you," he said to Draco. Hermione looked very hurt. Harry chucked a pillow at Voldemort's face. Voldemort tried to throw it back but it came at Harry in slow motion.

"Ha! You really are powerless!" Harry said.

"Harry!" Ron whispered yelled at Harry.

"What? You can't just sit there while that pathetic excuse for a wizard insults the girl you're madly in love with!" Harry said. He then clamped his hand over his mouth when he realized what he said.

"The girl he's madly in what with?!" Hermione said. Ron blushed. Hermione moved closer to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. The two blushed. Draco looked jealous.

**Goyle: I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just Unjellify.**

**Draco: Right. I'm not surprised. Come on, let's go watch **_**Wizards of Waverly**_** Place.**

"Let's watch the next part," Harry said. "Act 1 part 4,"


	6. act 1 part 5

**Quirrell: Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe, they think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses or should I say on the back of their heads?**

**Voldemort: -coughs- I can't breathe in that damn turban.**

Everyone burst out laughing except for Voldy. Even Snape cracked a smile.

"I will kill those muggles for making me appear like this," Voldemort grumbled.

**Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution, for if they knew that you lived, that when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on.**

**Voldemort: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest, eating bugs and mushrooms and, ugh, unicorn blood.**

**Quirrell: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.**

"Oh yea because it's such a great thing to have a person living on the back of your head," Harry said sarcastically.

**Voldemort: Yes, nobody must know any of that.** **Now, Quirrell, get me some water. Now Quirrell, pour it my mouth.**

All the students laughed.

**Quirrell: You're plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege.**

**Voldemort: Yes, yes, yes, I'm done with the water. We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall.**

**Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, you sneezed.**

**Voldemort: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine!** **Wash that turban, it tickles my nose.**

"Voldy's such a sissy," Ginny said, forgetting that Voldemort was still in the room.

"What was that blood traitor?" he asked. Ginny paled.

"Nothing," she said.

**Quirrell: Yes, my Dark King.**

**Voldemort: Okay, just relax with the Dark King, okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily.**

Everyone started laughing except for Voldemort.

"I have never watched that fail of a wizard wipe his butt!" He yelled, then he realized how ridiculous that sounded. Everyone laughed.

**You can call me Voldemort, we're there. We've reached that point.**

**Quirrell: Yes, yes my-Voldemort.**

**Voldemort: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close! I could've touched him.**

"I'm glad he didn't."

**Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it…it tastes like cool mints.**

**Quirrell: That's our Listerine, Voldemort.**

"I will never look at my mouth wash the same ever again."

**Voldemort: Yes, excellent. Well, goodnight Quirrell.**

**Quirrell: Goodnight.**

**Voldemort: Okay, okay, I can't do this. We gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy.**

"Is that seriously how you slept?" Harry asked.

"Shut up Potter," Voldy replied.

**Quirrell: I always sleep on my back; I have back troubles. It's the only way I'm comfortable.**

**Voldemort: You roll over right now or I'll…I'll eat your pillow!** **You'd be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but really you'll wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing.**

"Has that ever really happened?"

"I'm sure that only happens in the movies, Ron."

**Quirrell: Fine we'll compromise; we'll sleep on our side.**

**Voldemort: Okay, I guess I can do this.**

**Quirrell: Now, goodnight.**

**Voldemort: Goodnight Quirrell… Hey Quirrell?**

**How long have those robes been on that chair?**

**Quirrell: I think they're from last night, I just put them there for now.**

**Voldemort: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan for these?**

"You have got to be kidding me." Ron said.

**Quirrell: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in the morning, okay?**

**Voldemort: Ah, no! No, no that's not okay!**

"Didn't know Voldydork was such a neat freak," Ginny said.

"He's not, he walks around everywhere barefoot," Harry said. Voldemort decided to just ignore everyone.

**I can't go to sleep knowing there are dirty clothes on that chair. The chair's gonna start smelling like dirty clothes.**

**Quirrell: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning.**

**Voldemort: You put them away right now! I command you to get up and fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile.**

"This is so unrealistic," Harry said in between laughs.

**Quirrell: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn to live with each other.** **Now I've been single for all my life and I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around.**

**Voldemort: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place, and so do. Your. Clothes! Namely, a dresser!**

"I hate how they made everyone else in this play, but I absolutely love what they did to Voldemort," Harry said. Voldemort gave him a death glare.

**Quirrell: Well, aren't we an odd** couple?

"Oh God, they're going to sing,"

**(singing) You won't sleep on your tummy.**

**Voldemort: You won't sleep on your back.**

**Both: We're quite the kooky couple you'll agree.**

All the students laughed. "It's funny how serious they look," Hermione said.

**Quirrell: We share some hands and fingers.**

**Voldemort: And yet the feeling lingers.**

**Both: We're just about as different as anyone can be.**

"They are."

**Voldemort: You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill.**

"He's says it like plotting a garden is weird and plotting to kill is the newest trend," Ron said.

**Quirrell: You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!** **Sipping tea by the fire is swell.**

**Voldemort: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties.**

"I haven't wore ties since my years in Hogwarts, after that I refused to wear that muggle accessory," Voldemort said.

**Quirrell: And you have no friends, hey, that's a surprise.**

**Both: As anyone can see when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can be.**

**Voldemort: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of Lords.**

"Suuuure."

**Quirrell: I'm the brightest professor here, I've won several awards!**

**Voldemort: My new world's about to unfold.**

**Quirrell: You got beat by a two year old.**

"I was not beat by a two year old!"

"Actually Tom, you were beat by a one year and 2 month year old," Harry said.

**Voldemort: I'll kill him this time through and through.**

**Quirrell: Or you just might give him another tattoo.**

"It's a scar not a tattoo," Harry said

**Both: We really must agree when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can-**

**Voldemort: I'll rise again and I'll rule the world! But you must help me renew. For when our plan succeeds.**

**Quirrell: Prevails!**

**Voldemort: Part of that world goes to you.**

**Quirrell: When I rule the world, I'll plant flowers!**

"He's such a girl."

**Voldemort: When I rule the world I'll have snakes.**

**Quirrell: And Jane Austen novels!**

"She's amazing." Hermione said.

**Voldemort: And goblins and werewolves, a fleet of Dementors and giants and threstals and all my Death Eaters!**

**Both: When I rule the world! –evil laughter-**

"Weirdest part of the musical yet."

"I agree. Next scene!"


	7. act 1 part 6

**hello my dear reader :) im soooooo sorry for the long wait :( one review= one punch in my face (trollllllllll)**

**-Harry is playing guitar while Hermione is writing something-**

**Hermione: Harry, don't you think you should try and figure what the first task is gonna be? You can actually die if you're not ready.**

"Really I had no idea," Harry said sarcastically.

**Harry: What? Come on. I mean, can't you just do it for me? Can't you just prepare all my stuff for me? What are you doing right now?**

**Hermione: I'm writing your Potions essay.**

"She better not have," Snape said, glaring at Harry.

"She hasn't!"

**Harry: Oh, well do that first 'cause that's due tomorrow.**

**Hermione: Oh, ok. But after that, after that can you prepare for the first task? Please?**

**Hermione: Sure. Yeah.**

**Harry: Thank you. You are the best. -taps her nose-**

"Why do you keep tapping my nose?" Hermione asked.

"How should I know,"

**You got it, thanks Hermione. Hey Ginny, come here.**

"Oh great, my character again. I bet I'll act even worse than before." Ginny pouted.

**I wanna show you something, come here.**

**Ginny: Hey Harry Potter.**

**Harry: Listen, I wanna play this song I'm working on. It's met this girl I that really really like and I wanna let her know she's really special.**

Ginny's thoughts: _oh yay a song about Cho and how much he doesn't care about Ron's baby sister!_

Harry's thoughts: _Oh no, I'm going to sing about Cho! I can't do that infront of Ginny, especially now that I'm realizing my real feelings towards her!_

**So, I just wanna know what you think just for purposes of now, 'cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'm gonna put your name where her name should be.**

"_Should_ be? So it's not me." Ginny looked slightly disappointed.

**But I don't think it's really going to work out because, well, let me just give it a shot. (singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny…Ginny.**

"But…my name does fit." Ginny looked surprised.

**I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie, Ginny.** **I wanna take you to the city, gonna take you out to dinny, Ginny. You're cuter than a guinea pig, wanna take you up to Winnipeg, that's in Canada!**

**Pretty Ginny, Gin- (talking) you know what…** **This doesn't work for your name at all.**

"But it does," Ginny protested, blushing slightly. Harry was looking a little pink at the end as well.

**I mean, I don't know, how does it make you feel emotionally?**

**Ginny: Wow! Wowee Harry Potter!**

"Is it wrong to want to murder your character?" Ginny asked.

**Harry: Don't you think it could, I don't know, make a girl fall in love with me?**

**Ginny: I think it already has.**

**Harry: Awesome, 'cause it's for Cho Chang.**

"That's a relief, I thought you were singing to my sister!" Ron said laughing.

"Y-Yea," Harry said as he he nervously fake laughed.

**Ginny: Oh yeah, she's beautiful.**

**Harry: What are you, nuts? Beautiful? More like super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot!**

"I'm using that from now on," Ron said. Harry nodded in agreement.

**She's the bestest girl I've ever met. She's far more attractive, far more appealing, far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends.** **Far more better and awesome.**

Ginny had tears in her eyes, Hermione noticed and sat next to her.

"It's okay, it's not real," Hermione whispered to her.

"Our Harry is too nice to say that, but I know he thinks it," Ginny said.

**Ron: What's up Neville? –slaps-**

**Neville: Ah!**

**Ron: Move, move, move, move, move, move, move. Awesome. Hey, Harry what's up? So, I was just off stage, hanging out with Hagrid**

"He just said off-stage." Ron said pointlessly.

"Yes, Ron. That was the point." Hermione explained patiently.

**and I was, uh, I saw these delivery wizards bringing giant cages into the dungeons. I don't know what that's for.**

**Hermione: Giant cages? I bet whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first task. Harry we have to find out what it is.**

**Harry: Hey, hey guys chill. I'm busy. –plays guitar again-**

"Can you even play guitar?" Draco asked.

"Yea, Sirius taught me," Harry said, looking sad at the memory of his dead godfather.

**Hermione: Harry Potter. –takes guitar-**

**Ron: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!**

**Ginny: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!**

"Extreme reactions."

**Hermione: Guys, now listen this could be a matter of life and death.**

**Ron: Well, it doesn't matter because it's after hours, okay, and we can't leave Gryffindor House and we'll probably get in trouble if we do and even if we do, Shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us.**

**Hermione: Neville won't tell.**

**Neville: Oh yes, I certainly will!**

"He wouldn't tell. Maybe in first year he would have, but not now." Harry said.

**Ron: So, what're we going to do?**

**Hermione: It's simple guys, the Cloak.**

"The what?"Snape asked.

"Nothing, must be something the muggles made up..." Harry and Ron said nervously.

**Ron: Of course.**

**All Four: The Cloak.**

"Well that was unnecessarily dramatic," Draco said.

**Ginny: Wait, what cloak?**

The real Ginny looked a little confused as well.

**Ron: Shut up!**

**Harry: When I was a little boy at Hogwarts, I got a present, I got a present left to me, oh bye Neville, I got a present left to me at my first year at Hogwarts and, uh, it was left to me by my dad, the dad that's dead. My father is dead. I have a dead father.**

Ron put a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"It's alright mate," Ron said, noticing how upset Harry looked.

Harry frowned. "They didn't have to say it so many times. I know he's dead."

**I use it to solve mysteries and stuff.** **My Invisibility Cloak!**

"So that's how you get away with things," Malfoy muttered.

"I can't believe you got your father's stupid cloak," Snape groaned.

**Ginny: Wow, oh boy wowee Harry Potter, you have a real Invisibility Cloak. Oh, oh, oh, oh, you know what I would do if I had an Invisibility Cloak?**

**Harry: Oh man, I would-I would, I'd kick wiener dogs.**

"That's awful."

**Ron: And I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare people.**

"That's mean."

**Hermione: I would use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror.**

"That's sad."

**Harry: That's emotional.**

**Ginny: Well, actually, I was gonna say that I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at the funeral.**

"That is cruel and horrible and sick... I'm rubbing off on you," Ron said to Ginny.

**Harry: Okay, anyway, let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom, alright? Let's get out of here.**

**Ron: Who, whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going?**

**Ginny: Um, with you guys?**

**Ron: No, no, no way, no kid sisters allowed, okay?**

Ginny glared at Ron.

**Besides, there's only enough room under this cloak for two people so, um, come on Hermione, come on.**

"We would never go without Hermione."

"Oh no," Ginny's eyes widened as some music came on. "I'm about to sing!"

**Ginny (singing): The way his hair falls in his eyes makes me wonder if he'll ever see through my disguise and I'm under his spell.**

"Someone just kill me now," Ginny said, burying her face in her hands.

"Believe me, I would if I could," Voldemort growled.

**Everything has fallen and I don't know where to land. Everyone knows who he is, but they don't know who I am. Harry! Harry!**

At this moment, Ron was laughing, Harry was blushing furiously, and Ginny tried to curl up into a ball and die.

** Why can't you see what you're doing to me?** **I've seen you conquer certain death. Even when you're just standing there, you take away my breath, and maybe someday you'll hear my song and understand that all along there's something more that I'm trying to say!** **When I say Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me? What you're doing to me…**

"Is it over yet?" Ginny asked.

"Yes," Hermione said.

"How could anyone like Potter?" Draco asked.

"Lay off my sister alright, she may be a pain in the ass, but she's my pain in the ass," Ron said.

"STOP SAYING LINES fROM THE PLAY!" Hermione yelled. Harry still hadn't said anything. He walked over to Ginny.

"Oh sorry if I embarrassed you, I didn't mean to, well it's sorta like_" Ginny said before she was cut off by Harry's lips on hers.

**TADA! HINNY! btw this is a ronmione and hinny fic, Draco only has a crush on Hermione cause Draco in the play does. Please review :) :) :)**


	8. act 1 part 7

**Yay thanks for all the reviews :) :) :) here's the new chapter :)**

Act 1 Scene 7

Everyone was shocked when Harry kissed Ginny.

"Harry!" Ron yelled. Hermione laughed, she new Harry had a crush on Ginny for a while. After a few more seconds, they broke the kiss.

"Wow" Ginny said with a smile. Harry smiled too. When they kissed, they both felt sparks, wait no, not sparks, they felt fireworks!They gazed into each others eyes until Ron punched Harry in the face.

"Ronald!" Hermione yelled.

"What?" Ron asked, "He just snogged my sister!" Ginny got up and punched Ron in the face.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she yelled.

"You're my sister and he's my best mate," Ron stated.

"So?" Harry asked.

"You can't snog my baby sister!" Ron complained. Harry and Ginny just ignored Ron.

"So..." Harry began, "um I uh really l-like you and um uh would you fancy g-going out sometime?" Harry managed to say. Ginny couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Yes!" she yelled as she wrapped her arms around Harry.

"Ugh can we just finish the musical?" Draco complained.

"I second that," Ron said. Everyone went back to their seats, except this time Harry and Ginny sat together, holding hands.

**Quirrell: Master, Master, the shipments for the first task of the tournament have just arrived!**

**Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell; I hear everything that you hear.**

**Quirrell: Isn't it wonderful Master, we made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the Cup and soon he will be ours.**

"Uh Oh," Harry said. "It's going to be like my fourth year," Harry said

**Voldemort: Yes, it's really happening, isn't it Quirrell? You know, with the plan going so well, I feel like maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell? How's about we go out? I hear its karaoke night down at the Hog's head.**

"Did he just..."

"Ask him out? Yea Draco he did," Ron said.

"Well we don't know what Voldemort's sexuality is," Harry said.

"I'm going to murder you all," Voldemort growled.

**Quirrell: I don't' know, I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind.**

**Voldemort: Come on, Quirrell, you've been working so hard all year. You deserve a night off.**

**Quirrell: But the papers.**

**Voldemort: Oh, just give them all B-'s and be done with it!**

Hermione's jaw dropped. "He-he better not have done anything like that!"

**Quirrell: Now that's evil.**

"It is!" Hermione gasped

**Voldemort: Yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on, just a few drinks. And we'll try to pick up some chicks.**

"I think I'm going to barf," Harry said.

"I would never 'pick up chicks'" Voldemort said,

**quirell: I don't know, I won't know what to say**

**Voldemort: Come on, it'll be fun. You just move your lips and I'll do the talki**ng**.**

"I can't imagine what things Voldemort would say," Draco said.

"Probably something like 'You don't have to say lumos to turn me on'" Ron suggested, resulting in Hermione whacking him over the head with a pillow.

**Quirrell: -hesitates-**

**Voldemort: Quirrell…man…listen! I may just be a parasite on the back of your head, literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that you're too good a guy not to have a bit of fun every once in a while. You deserve this.**

"He does not deserve that," Ginny said.

**Quirrell: Well if you put it that way, then yeah, let's just go wild tonight!**

"Oh God please don't"

**Voldemort: That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts ****And grab your tunic. ****Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid.** **Seriously man, back when I had a body, whoo, I had mad game with the bitches; just ask Bellatrix Lestrange.**

"What?! She's my aunt!" Draco yelled, disgusted.

"Ewww she's like 40 and you're like 100!" Harry yelled.

**Ron: Well, um, this cloak isn't as big as it used to be.**

**Hermione: Sh! Someone's coming.**

**Draco: Did you just hear something?**

**Goyle: No, only quiet. Maybe one raindrop.**

**Draco: No matter. Tell me Goyle, who do think is the ugliest girl in school?**

**Goyle: Uh…oh Buckbeak for sure.**

**Draco: Crabbe?**

**Crabbe: Oh, Winky the House Elf.**

Hermione frowned and opened her mouth. Before she could start a rant on house-elves though, Ron covered her mouth with his hand. He took it off a minute later and Hermione was too flustered to lecture anyone after that.

**Draco: Good one, obscure! Y'know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger.**

All the Gryffindors gave Malfoy a dirty look.

**Do you know what I'd give her on a scale of one to ten, with one-one would be the ugliest and ten is pretty, I would give her…an eight.**

"What?!" Hermione asked in shock.

**An eight point five or a nine. Not-not over a nine point eight.** **Yes, because** **there is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect-like me ****That's why I am holding out for a ten…because I'm worth it.**

"Ew Malfoy do you like Hermione?" Ginny asked.

"What?! No..." Draco lied.

"You're lying!" Ginny said.

"What? N-No I'm not," Draco lied again.

"I grew up with fred and George, I know when someone is lying!" Ginny said.

"Okay... I like the mudblood," Draco admitted. He went over to Hermione and tried to kiss her.

"Oh hell no!" Hermione said as she slapped Draco. Hermione went over to Ron and held his hand.

**Come on, let's go.**

**Harry, Hermione, Ron: -gasps-**

**Harry: Wow, what a bunch of jerks.**

**Hermione: Alright, forget them, where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?**

**Ron: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so it should be at the end of this hallway to the left.**

**Harry: Look!**

**Hermione: A goat?**

**Harry: A goat? Oh my god, I have to fight a** goat..

"Potter's afraid of a goat?" Draco asked, trying to be funny after being humiliated when Hermione slapped him.

**I don't know if I can do that morally.**

**Snape: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time, Headmaster.**

**Dumbledore: Feeding time, dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!**

**Harry: Did he just say dragons?**

**Snape: Did you just say did he just say dragons?**

"The characters are so dumb," Ginny said.

**Dumbledore: I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to have shut up, Potter.**

All the students laughed, even Harry.

**Snape: Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?**

**Dumbledore: Oh Snape, I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore. Like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow.**

"They better not be foreshadowing anything," Harry said as he and Ron, Hermione, and Ginny gave Snape a dirty look.

**Snape: Why, that's absurd.**

**Dumbledore: Severus, let's go to bed. Have you ever seen my room, I have some pretty kicking posters on my wall.**

**Harry, Hermione, Ron: -gasps-**

**Snape: Well, I am rather tired.**

**Harry: Ah man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon? I'm just a little kid!**

"Actually I was 14," Harry corrected.

**Ron: Alright, well, maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe-maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan or like, I don't know, maybe-I don't know maybe like Puff the Magic Dragon or something.**

"What the hell is that?" Ron asked.

"It's a happy dragon that little kids love," Hermione said.

**Hermione: Ron, this is serious, okay? Harry will die.**

"Gee that makes me feel better," Harry said sarcastically.

**Now look, there's still time alright, we just need to figure out a plan.**

**Harry: Okay, we should probably do that back in the Common Room, where's-wait, where's the Invisibility Cloak?**

**Ron: Oh, I threw it over on that magical walking chair over there…oh crap.**

**Harry: That's gonna be an issue.**

**Ron: Yeah.**

Harry and Ron started laughing.

"Remember when we did that last year?" Harry asked. Ron laughed even harder.

"We had to search in the snow for two hours!" Ron said. But then he remembered he was mad at Harry. "You know what? You're my best mate so I give you permission to date my sister," Ron said.

"Thanks," Harry said. "I gave you permission to date the girl that is practically my sister," Harry said, making Ron very confused, until Hermione gave him another kiss on the cheek.

"JUST KISS ALREADY!" Ginny yelled and then Ron and Hermione finally kissed.


End file.
